Tired
by kikiharuka13666
Summary: Bella has not had an easy life and has had enough. She goes to a bridge to end it all but a FBI agent stops her. This is her telling her story.. All human. Warning suicide
1. The Bridge

I smoothed out the wrinkles in my shirt and rubbed my stomach where there was already a small bump forming. After that I grabbed my keys, took a deep breath, and headed outside. I drove to the park by the bridge. After I parked the car I got out and just stared at the bridge. It was 139 feet up from the rushing river below. There was very little traffic on it this time of day. I checked the car seat one last time. My note was there explaining everything. I took another deep breath and headed for the bridge.

Once I was on the bridge, I slowed down a little. I loved the feeling of the spring breeze and sun on my face. It was rare for me to feel this relaxed and happy. I enjoyed every second of it. Once at the middle of the bridge I headed for the edge. I stood there for a minute clutching the railing and staring at the distant blue sky. Then I climbed up on the railing and dangled my feet over the edge. Looking down this looked much higher than I originally thought. That didn't bother me though.

I heard a car slam on its brakes behind me. A door opened then slammed shut. Somebody yelled something at me but I wasn't listening. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to be free. A sudden strong gust of wind almost knocked me back onto the bridge but I held tightly onto the railing. I heard sirens in the distance and I knew whoever had stopped had called the cops. I knew that should bother me but it didn't.

"Please just leave me alone!" I called to whoever was behind me.

"You don't have to do this. Whatever happened, it's not worth this." It was a female.

"You don't know anything about what's happened. You don't know what it's like to be at this point in your life." I heard the sirens stop behind me and people get out of their cars.

"But I do, I was there just a few months ago." This was a new guy.

"What's your name?"

"Spencer Reid"

"What happened to you that made you want to do this?"

"I'll make you a deal. You bring just one leg back on this side of the railing and I will tell you."

"Fine" I swung on leg over and leaned against the pole behind me. I realized that these were not cops, they were FBI, "Why did you call the FBI? Why do they even care?"

"I'm FBI, they are my friends." The woman that originally spoke to me answered.

"Just tell me your story."

Reid looked down and started speaking, "I met a girl. We didn't meet face to face for a long time. She had a stalker and didn't want me to get hurt. She was scared to leave the house. When I finally did meet her face to face, she was murdered. I spent a long time in my apartment after that. I spent long chunks of time just staring at my gun. But then I got a call. The rest of my team was working a case and they needed some insight. That made me realize that I would be loved and missed. You will be too. Don't hurt the people who love you."

"There is only one thing wrong with your theory. I don't have anyone. No one loves me. No one will miss me. I have nothing." I saw regular cop cars at the end of the bridge shutting it off.

"You're young and beautiful. Someone has to love you."

"Nope" I looked up at the sky, "I am just so tired. I am so tired of fighting. I just want to be happy."

"Tell me your story. Tell me what led you to this."

I didn't want to but didn't see the harm in it either. He had told me his story. "It started when I was two. My parents tried having another baby. They succeeded when I was 2 ½. My mom lost the baby about halfway through. After that, my parents weren't the same. My dad started drinking and my mom started doing drugs. By the time I was four they were completely consumed by their addictions. I was taking care of myself. They were always fighting and when was eight, things went from bad to worse."

* * *

I heard my dad get home from the bar. I immediately ran and hid under the couch. When he came in he immediately started yelling at my mom. I tried covering my ears but I could still hear them. He hit my mom and I heard her fall to the floor. She got back up and for the first time she hit him back. Then I hear the gun go off followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor. After that there was another shot and another body hitting the floor.

* * *

I could see the pity in his eyes, "I sat behind that couch for almost 24 hours before somebody came looking for me. It was my teacher. She was concerened when I didn't show up for school."

"That happened years ago. You can't hold onto the past forever."

I looked at him. He was so young, "That was just the beginning. Things got much worse after that."


	2. Alone

"Since my parents died a violent death and I was in the room, I was a high risk child."

* * *

I spent several hours at the police station waiting. I knew that I would miss my parents but was happy at the same time. I thought I would finally get a family who would take good care of me. I wanted a mom and dad who would take me to the park and make me dinner. When a lady from the city finally showed up I was excited to leave. She spoke to the cops for a long time before coming over to me.

She knelt down in front of me, "Hi Bella, I'm Sarah"

"Hi"

"I went by your house and packed some of your things. They are in my car. I am going to take you to dinner then we will head back to the city."

She held out her hand and I took it. She led me to her car and helped me buckle up in the back seat. I had never ridden in the back of a car before. I always walked to school and my parents never took me anywhere. Sarah drove to a diner nearby. I got spaghetti. After we ate Sarah put me in the car and told me that it was going to be a long drive. I stared out the window the whole time. After what seemed like forever she got off the freeway. After that she drove for a little longer before pulling into a driveway. The house was a white square house. It was a lot like my old house. I got out of the car while Sarah grabbed my stuff out of the trunk. When Sarah knocked on the door of the little white house a lady told us to come in. When we went inside there was a woman holding a baby. She put the baby in what looked like a small crib and then came over to us.

"Hi I'm Marie"

"Hello"

She handed me a coloring book and some crayons, "Go sit at the table and color."

I headed towards the table with them and found a picture of a duck to color. I saw Sarah and Marie sit down on the couch. Sarah pulled out a green folder and spoke to Marie for a couple minutes while pointing things out in it. After that Sarah said goodbye to me and left. Marie told me to follow her and grabbed my bags. She led me down a hall to a room in the back. There was a mattress on the floor with some blankets and a pillow. There was also a small dresser. On the floor next to the mattress there was an alarm clock.

"The alarm clock is set for seven. The bus gets here at eight. You are responsible for getting yourself up, making yourself breakfast, and getting to school on time. Sarah enrolled you today and you start tomorrow. Don't wake me up before you leave."

She turned around and left the room. I put away my clothes in the dresser and then sat on the mattress. I finished coloring my picture then curled up to go to sleep. The next day I got myself up and ready for school like I had done for years and when the bus came I got on it. School was a lot like my old school. When I got back to the little white house I went to my little room and did my homework. Marie made dinner then I would go back to my room and color. I did the same thing every day. On weekends I would spend most of the day in my room. After school let out for the summer Sarah came and took me and the baby away from Marie. She said that Marie didn't treat us like she should.

That's how it was for years. I would get put in a home and removed from it a few months later. The longest I ever stayed anywhere was six months. Eventually I just stopped unpacking my stuff. Whenever Sarah would put me in a new home she would get me some new clothes, books, and toys. Most of the time, when I was moved, I would also have to switch schools.

* * *

"I always got the bad ones. None of the good foster homes wanted a "damaged child". All I wanted was a loving home. I just wanted someone to tuck me in at night and give me a hug before school but I never got that. I didn't deserve that."


	3. Happy

"When I was 13 things finally started to get better and I thought I had a chance at happiness."

* * *

I had only been in this home for two weeks and Sarah was already taking me and the five other children out of it. I never even bothered to learn all their names. She dropped the five children off at the government office where she worked with a colleague. She then took me on a long drive. We drove for almost two hours and most of that was on the freeway.

"Where are we going?"

"Port Angeles"

"You run out of freaks in Seattle?" I was so fed up with having to move.

"Bella!" She turned her head and gave me a stern look, "Don't talk like that."

"It's true; the longest I have ever lived in one place since my parents died is six months. There has to be something freaky about all those people you put me with."

"Bella, I am doing my best to find you a good home. I-"

I cut her off, "You know that no one wants me. I heard one of the guys you had me live with talking to one of his drinking buddies. He called me "damaged goods"."

"You're not damaged goods."

"Really, then how come no one wants me?"

"Because you're a strong independent young lady. Most people want a baby you know that."

"My own parents didn't want me!"

"Bella" She didn't have a quick answer for that, "You know that's not true."

"Yes it is if they wanted me they wouldn't have started drinking and doing drugs."

"Your mom was depressed and your dad just didn't know how to cope."

"He knew how to cope just fine, with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a 45."

She pulled over on the side of the freeway and turned to look at me, "We will find you a good home, I promise."

"I doubt that"

After that I put on the headphones and blared the IPod Sarah had gotten me for my birthday a few months earlier. I stared out the window for the rest of the way. I watched the trees just fly by on the side of the road. I was so tired of everything. All I wanted now was a home that I could stay in for a few months. I didn't even care if the people took care of me. I just wanted someplace to call home. I didn't think that was asking too much. I jumped when I felt Sarah's hand on my shoulder. I took off one headphone.

She looked at me, "Are you okay?"

It was at that moment I realized that I had tears falling down my face, "I'm fine"

The rest of the drive was silent. There was just the sound of music from my IPod. Sarah pulled off the freeway at the last exit before entering Port Angeles. She drove down a paved road for a long time before turning down a driveway hidden by trees. We drove for maybe a mile before big wrought iron gates became visible. When we got closer I saw the guard booth. I took off my headphone curious as to who she was leaving me with this time.

"What is this person some kind of royal?"

"No, you'll see. I think you will like it here." She stopped next to the guard booth, "My name is Sarah Marshal. I'm with Child Protective Services. Lilly and Allen Grey are expecting me."

"One moment miss" He turned to a computer and typed for a few seconds, "Okay you are going to go straight through the gates and make the first right. They will be last house on the left. I just need you to sign in." He handed her a clipboard.

She signed it, handed it back, and then headed through the open gates. We drove through some more forest. After about another half mile the forest stopped and a huge housing development was in front of us. She followed the directions and we stopped at the house after about another five minutes. I saw a curtain move and just seconds later a woman came rushing out of the house. She looked like she had just stepped off a runway. Her long wavy blond hair and knee length white dress were both perfect. Her white stilettos didn't have a speck of dirt on them and her makeup looked professional.

I quickly turned to Sarah, "Where did you find her, a real life Barbie catalog?"

Sarah gave me a stern look, "Be nice"

At that moment she reached us, "I can't believe you're finally here! Your room is all set up. If you need anything we can go shopping tomorrow. Dinner will be ready in an hour." She pulled me into a tight hug, "I am so happy that you're here. We are going to be great friends." She started to walk away then turned to us, "Well come on."

"I have to get my stuff out of the trunk."

"Oh, I completely forgot. Let me help you."

I didn't have much so it didn't take us long to get all my stuff. I had my school backpack, a duffle bag of books, a makeup bag with my toothbrush and other toiletries, and a couple duffle bags with clothes. When we got in the house she led us right up the stairs to a room. It was the first actual bedroom I had in a long time. It had a vanity with a stool, a big canopy bed, dresser, and desk with a chair. There was also a huge walk in closet and connected bathroom.

"Wow" That was all I could manage to get out.

"You stay up here and start unpacking and getting settled. I am going to take Sarah downstairs and take care of all the boring paperwork. Then I will come back up here and help you unpack." She handed me a notebook and pen, "Just make a list of what you need."

I nodded and the two women left the room. I pulled a book out of my bag and sat down on the bed. I didn't bother unpacking. I knew I probably wouldn't be here long enough. Lily was the most convincing though. She was a little over the top and that's what gave her away. She came back upstairs after about 10 minutes.

"Why haven't you started unpacking?"

"No point"

"What do you mean?" She sat down on the bed next to me.

"I haven't stayed in one place for more than six months since I was eight. Most places I stay for less than two."

"You're not going anywhere. Come on, let's unpack." She stood up and smoothed out the invisible wrinkles on her dress. She started with my books and wrote something down on the notebook. She ended up just piling them on the dresser. She then started putting away my clothes. I just sat on the bed and watched. When she finished she turned to me, "Where are your dresses and makeup? Where are your shoes and all your hair supplies?"

I pulled a tube of chap stick out of my pocket, "Makeup", I then held up one of my feet, "Shoes", then I got up and walked over to the vanity and held up my hairbrush, "and hair supplies."

"We defiantly have to go shopping tomorrow."

"Why?"

"You need more than just one pair of sneakers. You need heels and sandals. You need dresses and these clothes are horrendous. It's all short sleeve shirts and exercise pants." She seemed truly horrified.

"Why do I need nice clothes? All I do is go to school."

"Here you are social elite. You will be going to parties and need to look the part. Since tomorrow is Saturday we will be spending most of the day shopping." She started to leave but turned back around, "While we are out we can get makeovers too."

"Wonderful" I muttered under my breath.

I always hated shopping. She left me alone for a little while but came back to tell me dinner was ready. When she put the food in front of me I didn't know what she was trying to feed me. It didn't look good at all. There were some greyish pinkish chunks of meat with several different vegetables in a green sauce. It tasted disgusting but I wasn't going to be picky. I hadn't eaten in two days. That's why Sarah removed me from the last place I was at. The guy locked the kitchen door and took off. I put on a brave face and pretended like I liked it. I only ate enough to take the edge off the hunger. After dinner I rushed back up to my room. I spent the night reading.

Around eight I went downstairs and found Lily, "May I please take a shower?"

She turned around real fast, "Of course, you don't have to ask. This is your home now too. That bathroom is all yours. There is travel size soap in there. When we go out tomorrow I will get you whatever brand you want. Towels are hanging from the rack in there." I turned to leave as her phone rang. She quickly spoke up, "Bella! Sarah just called; she wants to talk to you."

She held out her phone and I took it, "Hello"

"Hey Bella how are things going?"

I quickly stepped out of the room, "How long do I have to stay here?"

"I was hoping it would be permanent. What's wrong? They seem like great people."

"I don't belong here. She's complaining about my wardrobe and about not having enough beauty supplies. She wants to take me dress and shoe shopping and get me a makeover. I don't even know what she made for dinner. It was disgusting and you know I'm not picky."

"Have you told her any of this?"

"No, you know what happened last time I opened my mouth."

"Bella" I heard her sigh, "She's not like that. You have to learn to trust people."

"Because trust has worked so well in the past."

"Put her on the phone."

I took the phone back to Lily then headed up to my room for a shower. I found my PJs and took a shower. The shower felt so good. I normally took short showers but this one felt so good I spent a long time just letting the water run down my back. When I got out Lily was sitting on my bed in a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt with a box of pizza on her lap. She tapped the bed next to her and I went to sit down.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"The last time I opened my mouth I got locked in a closet for a week with just dog food."

She looked horrified, "Oh sweetie, I would never do something like that to you. I ordered a pizza if your still hungry." She opened the box and my favorite pizza sat in front of me, bacon and extra cheese.

I smiled, "How did you know this is my favorite?"

"Sarah told me. I'll make you a deal. You let me take you shopping tomorrow and get our nails done and I will ease off on the high class meals."

"Okay"

I grabbed a piece of pizza and she left the room. I ended up eating three pieces before falling asleep with my book open. I woke up the next morning to a hand shaking my shoulder. It was Lily. She told me to wake up and get ready. She wanted to get to the mall early. We ended up spending most of the day at the mall. She spent a ton of money getting me new clothes and shoes and beauty supplies. We also got our nails done. The next day was pretty quiet. Around five Lily told me to get on one of my new dresses. I choose a blue one with spaghetti straps. It gathered in the middle of my dress and had hanging fabric. It went all the way down to the floor and I just loved it. When I asked her what for she told me it was a surprise. After I was dressed she helped me with my makeup and hair. Once I was completely ready she headed upstairs to get herself dressed.

Allen approached me, "Hello" it was the first time he had spoken to me.

"Hi"

"Do you like it here?"

I hesitated for a second. I wasn't sure if telling him the truth was a good idea so I avoided the question, "It's a lot different from what I'm used to."

"You will get used to it and I am sure you will learn to love it here."

Lily came down then, "You two ready."

We headed outside and got in the car. Allen drove through the complex towards the exit but instead of turning left to leave the housing development he turned right. He drove to what looked like a town square. Lily pointed out the private school I would be going to. Allen parked in front of a big building. I got out and waited to follow them inside. They walked in first. We walked through another set of doors into a grand ballroom. Lily hooked her left arm through my right arm and Allen hooked his right arm through my left arm.

A spotlight suddenly hit us as a voice boomed overhead, "Now introducing the guest of honor and newest member of Riverview, Isabella Swan."

Lily and Allen started to guide me down the stairs, "Smile" Lily whispered in my ear.

I did as I was told and focused on my walking. I wasn't used to walking down stairs in heels and a dress. Luckily with Lily and Allen holding me I made it to the bottom with no problems. I was introduced to so many people I couldn't remember any names. It was extremely overwhelming. When I finally got a minute I rushed to the corner to take a deep breath.

Lily joined me, "You having fun?"

"It's very overwhelming."

"I know, I wanted to wait but it was required before you can attend the school here."

"Why?"

"They wanted you to be formally introduced into the community."

"When can we leave?"

"We could leave now but you would miss the cake."

I hadn't had cake in so long, "I guess we can stay for cake."

"That's what I thought." She leaned down and gave me a kiss on the forehead, "They are going to serve it right after your dance."

"Dance?" I was terrified.

"Yes, you have to dance with Allen."

"Fine, when?"

"Right now, I came over here to get you. He's waiting by the dance floor."

I took a deep breath and walked over to him. Luckily he was able to hold me up during the dance so I didn't fall. After the dance they served cake as promised. It was a layered chocolate cake. It was the best I ever had. After cake was served I went over and sat in a chair at a table next to the dance floor.

Lily came over a few minutes later, "Are you ready to go? It's getting late."

I nodded my head as I yawned, "What time is it?"

"About 10"

She held out her hand and I gladly took it. She held onto me as she said goodbye to everybody and led me out of the ballroom. Once we got back to the house I took a quick shower and went to bed. I was so tired. Lily woke me up the next morning with chocolate chip pancakes. After breakfast I got dressed in the school uniform. Once I was ready Lily walked me outside. There was a brand new bike sitting in the driveway. It made me cry.

"What's wrong sweetie? If you don't want to ride a bike to school I can drive you."

"I was never taught how to ride a bike."

She pulled me into a hug, "I will drive you to school and when you get home I can teach you."

She led me to the car and drove me to school. This school was very different from all schools I had been to before. There were no boys in any of my classes. There weren't any desks either. The chairs sat in a semicircle while the teacher gave the lesson then we would move to circular tables where four students sat at. Also, the classes were much smaller. My biggest class had 12 students in it. But I liked this school. After school Lily taught me to ride the bike. It took a few days but eventually I was able to ride it to school.

* * *

"The two years I was with Lily and Allen were the best years of my life."

* * *

**Please Review!**


	4. Anger

"Everything went to shit when I was 15."

* * *

School was out for the summer so I was spending all my time at home. I loved the idea of having a home and having parents. I was glad Sarah insisted on me staying. I had gotten used to the lifestyle of the social elite but I still couldn't stand the food. I would spend most of my time reading. Lily had to buy me three bookshelves just to hold all of my books. One day out of the blue Allen called me down to the living room. When I got down there Lily and Allen were sitting on the couch and had rearranged the furniture to put one of the chairs across from the couch. They even moved the coffee table so it wasn't between the chair and the table. I could tell based look on their face something was wrong.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked before I even sat down.

"Just sit sweetie"

I did as I was told and sat in the chair, "What's going on?"

"Do you know why we brought you into our home?" Allen asked.

"No"

"I was unable to get pregnant. The waiting list to adopt newborn was long and we didn't want to wait. So we asked for a child who likely wouldn't get adopted. We just wanted someone to love. They gave us you and we fell in love with you instantly." Lily explained.

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"We found out that I'm pregnant a few months ago." Lily answered.

I glanced down at her stomach and could already see a small bump, "That's great!" I felt a smile split across my face.

Allen looked down at his clasped hands, "That left us with a dilemma. We love you and we would love to have two children. But-"He stopped.

Lily picked up where he left off, "We have seen some troubling signs with you. You're antisocial. We spoke to a specialist about you. He told us you might not handle a newborn in the house well."

I could see where this was going and I was starting to panic, "I promise, I will not hurt the baby. I could never do that." I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

Allen spoke again, "It's not just that Bella. You have had a rough life and need a lot of love and support. We can't give you that and take care of a newborn at the same time."

"You won't have to. I have taken care of myself before. You won't even know I'm here."

"You deserve better than that sweetie." Lily reached out and grabbed my hands.

I yanked them away from her, "Don't touch me!" I wiped the tears away from my eyes with my hand, "How can you do this to me? I have done everything you asked."

Lily looked at me for a long time before answering, "We didn't want to. We discussed it for a long time. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make." There was a knock at the door, "That's probably Sarah now."

Lily and Allen got up and headed towards the door. I reached next to me and picked a heavy crystal vase up off the coffee table next to me. With strength I didn't know I had I whipped it across the room as I screamed, "I HATE YOU!" The vase hit Lily in the shoulder and knocked her into the molding around the archway. She went down and I could see her white shirt quickly turning red where the vase hit her.

"What did you do?!" Allen looked horrified as he knelt next to Lily who was lying on the ground in a daze.

Upon hearing the commotion Sarah burst through the front door, "What's going on?"

"We said we didn't want any violent children in this house!" Allen glared at Sarah.

"She's never gotten violent before. Not even when she had good reason to." Sarah turned to me, "Bella, why did you hurt Lily? You told me you liked her. You told me you liked it here." She was approaching me slowly like I was going to hurt her.

"I'm tired of people lying to me! I'm tired of being shoved aside and forgotten about! All I want is someplace to call home! They took that away from me!" Between the tears and me screaming what I said was barely understandable. I was already leaving the room.

"So you threw a vase at her."

I didn't answer her. I just went up to my room and started packing my stuff. I packed all the nice clothes and things Lily and Allen had gotten me. I had accumulated quite a bit of stuff so it took me longer than usual to pack. I had just finished when there was a knock on the door. I ignored it and looked at the stuff on my bags. It was all in the nice luggage I had gotten for a vacation the previous summer. I even had a suitcase with just dresses. Whoever was at the door opened it. When I turned around Sarah was standing there with two cops behind her.

"When a child gets violent to the point where someone has to be sent to the hospital, I have to call them." She told me gently.

"Lily had to go to the hospital?"

"Yeah, the ambulance just left. She is at least going to need stiches but they also suspect you broke her shoulder and gave her a concussion." She took a few steps towards me.

"I didn't even hit her head."

"The force of the vase hitting her shoulder knocked her into the wall."

I hung my head, "I just got so mad. She lied to me!"

I saw the cops take a step forward but Sarah held up her hand to stop them, "I know she did. She shouldn't have told you that you would never have to leave." She took the last couple steps towards me and pulled me into a hug, "Don't worry though, everything is going to be okay." She held me for a couple minutes and then pulled away and held me at arm's length, "Are you all packed up?" I nodded, "Okay, I am just going to do a quick walkthrough and make sure you got everything. Stay right here."

I did as I was told and watched as she walked around the room. After making sure I had everything she put an arm around my shoulders and guided me out of the room. I saw the cops grab my bags.

I stopped in the middle of the living room, "Can I bring my bike?"

"Yeah I can fold down the back seat and put it back there." She led me outside but instead of walking me to her car she led me to the cop car. I looked at her confusingly, "Its policy honey."

I nodded gave her a tight hug and got in the back of the cop car. I watched as my stuff including my bike was loaded into her car. The cops drove me to Island County Juvenile Detention Center. Sarah followed us. There was a judge there waiting with some other officials that I didn't recognize. I had to sit in a room all alone while they discussed what to do with me. I asked for a book but I was told I wasn't allowed to have one. It took forever for them to come to a decision.

Sarah came into the room with a blank expression on her face, "They came to a decision. I tried to fight it but they wouldn't listen to me. They determined that you are too high of a risk to put in a regular foster home. That only leaves two choices, family or a detention center. Since you don't have any family, they are going to keep you here."

"How long?"

"Until you turn 18"

"Don't I have to be present for the trial?"

"There is no trial Bella. It's not a question of sentencing. They want to keep you here because they are afraid that you will hurt someone else."

I felt tears forming in my eyes, "It's not fair. Everybody loses their temper sometimes."

"I know it's not fair and I tried to fight it. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do."

"What's going to happen to me after I turn 18? I don't have any money or anyone to go to."

"I don't know." She pulled me into a hug, "They are going to let you have one bag full of things. You will have to be supervised while you pick what you want and they may not allow you to have certain items."

A few minutes later a green cloth bag and my things were brought into the little room. I shuffled through them for a minute before turning to Sarah who was standing right next to me, "What's going to happen to the things I don't choose?"

"It will be put in a storage facility until you get out."

After that it didn't take me long to choose what I wanted. Once I was done the lady who brought the stuff in left with it all. Sarah pulled me into another hug and told me to be strong. After that she led me to a little room. It had a single bed, a desk, a chair, and a small dresser. The only thing that wasn't nailed to the floor was the chair. The green bag was already on the bed. Sarah gave me one last hug and left. The next two years were miserable. I was put in an alternative high school program with 50 other students in my class. I was also put on work detail. The pay was very little but it was all put in a bank account for when I get out. When I wasn't working or going to school I was in the library reading.

* * *

"I know this is all partially my fault but Lily and Allen should have given me a chance." When I looked up at the sky I realized how long I had been sitting on the bridge, the sun was already starting to set.


	5. Taking Control

"I thought that if I took control of my own life things would get better." I looked down at the river below, "I was wrong."

* * *

I started speaking to the counselor after spending about a year in the detention center. After speaking to her for two weeks I was granted permission to use the internet. Once I was able to get on the internet I started looking at colleges. I decided I wanted to be a counselor. This would allow me to help children. My counselor had told me that my record would be sealed when I turned 18. This was good since I had been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. I looked at the education requirements first. I then looked at what schools offered those requirements and had cheap dorms. I finished by looking at scholarships and financial aid. Once I was able to start applying, I applied for everything I could. About half the schools I applied to accepted me. I was unable to get any scholarships though so I decided to pay for school with financial aid and loans. Financial aid paid for about 75%. The rest had to go on a loan. I arranged with the detention center to get released a month early so I could move into school on time. I was so happy when I walked out of that building. I thought things would finally get better.

Sarah was waiting for me, "Hey"

I gave her a big hug, "Hi"

"You look so grown up."

"Well, you haven't seen me in two and a half years."

"I know, I wanted to visit but I've been busy with work."

"I know" I started to walk towards the car.

Sarah took me out to lunch then to the storage facility where my stuff was being stored. I took all of my stuff out of it. Once we left there Sarah drove me to the school I choose, University of Washington. I was assigned to an apartment style dorm. The apartment was really tiny. It was long and narrow. There was even a little balcony. There was barely any room to move but it was home. Sarah helped me unpack and make a list of what I would need. She then took me out and got all the stuff that I needed. I didn't need much. I just needed household things like dishes and towels. We also did some basic grocery shopping. By the time we finished it was already dinner time so she took me out to eat again. Once we got back to the apartment she gave me a hug and left. She had to get home to her own daughter.

In an effort to cut costs I didn't upgrade my meal plan. I just stuck with the basic $6.50 a day that came with the apartment. This would equal out to about one meal a day. I was planning on trying to shop mostly at the campus grocery store. They accepted the meal plan as payment and offered most things at discount prices. It would be hard but I was used to not having much to eat. Most of my life I had raised myself so I didn't get much to eat. There are very few things that a little girl can make alone. I spent most of the next day trying to find a job. Unfortunately though nobody wanted to hire me. They didn't like the alternative high school on my record. They also didn't like the fact that I didn't have any experience or references.

The next three years were rough. I went back to being super skinny like I was before I moved in with Lily and Allen. I continued to try to get a job with no success. I took classes during the summer as well as the school year so I could stay in my little apartment. Around the middle of junior year I was told that the campus grocery store was closing to create a new medical laboratory. The only other place my meal plan was accepted was the restaurants on campus. That took me from three small meals a day to one regular sized meal a day. If I had leftovers I would take it home and eat it for breakfast the next morning.

By the end of May that year I was down to 94 pounds. I had just left my last final exam of the spring semester and was standing outside the building at the top of the steps when I was hit by a sudden dizzy spell. I reached out to try to find something to steady myself but there was nothing to grab. When I started to fall I thought I was going to fall down the stairs but instead a set of arms caught me. I tried to stand up but I was too weak. My vision was starting to go blurry and I could feel myself slipping into unconsciousness. I looked up at the person who caught me. It was a man from my class. His name was Edward and I had worked with him for a couple projects.

"Bella" He sounded so far away, "Bella can you hear me?" With me still in his arms he dropped to his knees and pulled out his phone, "I'm calling 911. It's going to be okay." He punched in some numbers on his phone and a second later said, "My friend just collapsed. She's not responding to me but she's still breathing. Please hurry!" I had never heard him so panicked. I lost consciousness after that. The next time I woke up I was flat on my back. Edward was next to me holding my hand. I could tell I was in an ambulance. Edward looked down at me, "Bella?" I was still really weak and lost consciousness quickly. The next time I woke up I was in the ER. I heard two people talking outside. The first one sounded like Edward, "I knew she was thin but I didn't know she was starving herself. Is that what caused her to collapse?"

I didn't recognize the second voice, "Probably" He took a deep breath, "With her being as thin as she is it's like a car trying to run without gas. She needs to eat more. That's why I'm telling you all this. You need to talk to her and try to convince her to eat."

"I'll do my best." Seconds later the curtain was pushed aside and Edward walked in, "Hey, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay"

He stepped closer and sat in the chair next to my bed, "Why do you starve yourself?"

"I can't afford food and I can't find a job."

I saw a look of pity in his eyes and he just left. I was fed and given vitamins. Several hours later I was released. I didn't have a car or money for a bus or cab and my bike was still at the campus so I decided to walk the three miles back. I made it about five steps from the door when Edward pulled his car up next to me.

"What are you doing?"

"Going home"

"Let me give you a ride. You shouldn't be on your feet for too long."

"Fine" I got in the passenger seat.

"We just have to make a quick stop on the way."

"Okay"

He pulled into the parking lot of a 24 hour diner about half a mile from the campus. I followed him inside and he led me right to the back office. The man standing there introduced himself as Jim. He then handed me a stack of work uniforms and a booklet.

"Your work schedule is right inside the cover."

I turned to Edward, "You got me a job?"

"I work here and he owed me a favor."

I wrapped my free arm around him, "Thank you"

After that Edward took me home. When we got to my apartment he pulled three bags out of the backseat. When we got up to the apartment I realized they were groceries. I thanked him and he left a few minutes later. The next morning it felt good to wake up and a hot fresh made breakfast. I got ready for work right after breakfast. I was just about to grab my bike off the balcony and leave when there was a knock on the door. When I opened it Edward was standing there in his work uniform.

"Ready for work?" He smiled at me with his crooked grin.

"Yeah" I smiled and looked down, "You didn't have to come get me, I could have ridden my bike."

He just smiled and pulled the door closed as I walked out of the apartment.

* * *

"I thought that since I had a job things would get easier."

* * *

**Link for images is on profile page.**


	6. Edward

"Things were easier for a little while."

* * *

Edward and I started dating after that. We went to a small hidden beach that Edward liked several times that summer. He always brought wine even though my 21st birthday wasn't until September. Sometimes we would stay out there until long after the sun set. My senior year of college was much easier than previous years. Edward was really sweet. Most nights he would come over to my apartment and we would either watch television or do homework together. He introduced me to his friends and siblings but I never spent any time with them. I was scared that if I got too close and too comfortable around them that I would end up alone again. On the really cold winter nights he would come pick me up and take me to his off campus apartment. He had a fireplace and would always light it. There were many nights that we fell asleep in front of it with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

For Valentine's Day Edward told me to put on a dress and be ready by six. Since I had outgrown all the dresses that Lily and Allen got me I had to buy a new one. I found a red one at a nearby thrift store that fit me perfectly. It had a scoop neckline and was fitted around the waist. The rest of it flowed freely down to my knees. I wore a black pair of flats with it. Edward showed up right on time with a bouquet of Candy Cane Tulips. They were beautiful. He was patient while I put them in a cup with some water then we left. He drove for about an hour before pulling into the parking lot of a beautiful hotel. We walked in holding hands and he led me to a restaurant inside the hotel. The waiter came with the bottle of wine we ordered. After the wine was poured Edward just stared off into the distance.

I reached across the table and grabbed his hand with mine, "Is everything okay? You have been quieter than usual all night."

"I'm fine, just lost in thought." He looked at me and smiled, "I will be right back." He rushed out of the restaurant and to the main lobby. He came back a couple minutes later and didn't say anything about where he had been. He just reached across the table and grabbed one of my hands, "Let's dance"

"You know I can't dance." I hadn't danced in over six years.

"Trust me" He stood up and pulled me with him to the dance floor.

When the third dance started I thought I felt Edward tense up a little but I ignored it. I figured he would tell me when he wanted to sit down. The song was really sweet.

One line caught my attention, "So baby will you marry me?" During that line I felt Edward slip something on my finger. I pulled back and looked in his eyes. He had that crooked "I'm up to no good" grin on his face. I just nodded. He squeezed me a little tighter and brought his lips down to mine.

After that dance we walked back to the table. When we sat back down I took a long look at the ring. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was black with a diamond set at the top. There were smaller diamonds going down the band.

"What kind of metal is this? I've never seen anything like it before."

"Black gold, it was my grandmother's"

"It's beautiful"

"The matching wedding bands are at my parents' house."

After that dinner was served. Me and Edward just stared into each other's eyes the whole time. After dinner we decided not to get desert. After we left the restaurant instead of Edward leading me outside, he pulled me towards the elevators. Once inside one he gently pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I deepened the kiss. I could see where this was going and I was ready. Edward didn't break the kiss until we reached the right floor. He grabbed my hand and led me down to the room at the very end of the hall. He pressed me up against the door while he unlocked it. Once the door was unlocked he quickly pulled me inside and pressed me up against the closed door. I felt him reach behind me and unzip the back of the dress. As he did that I started to undo the buttons of his shirt. Once his shirt and my dress were on the floor he picked me up out of my shoes and left my dress sitting where it fell around my ankles. He carried me over and gently laid me on the bed. I quickly got rid of his pants while he started to kiss me again. He reached behind me once more and undid my bra. But instead of taking it off he left it there for a second. He broke the kiss and started kissing his way down my neck. He stopped to suck on my collarbone and I knew I would have a mark there in the morning but didn't care. I could feel his rock hard member poking me in the belly button. He continued to kiss his way down my body removing my bra and panties along the way. Once those were gone he kissed his way back up my body. I removed his boxers. That left both of us completely naked.

Once his boxers were gone he positioned himself at my entrance. He used his hand to rub his member against me without going in. He broke our kiss again and started kissing my neck again. Suddenly he slipped himself in me and bit down on my neck. It felt so good. He felt so much better than the toys I had been using. He thrust in and out constantly changing his pace. At times he would go super slow but at other times he would go super fast. When he finally spilled himself inside me both of us were breathless. After a couple seconds he rolled off me and pulled the blanket over us. I laid my head down on his shoulder and fell into a peaceful sleep.

When I woke up the next morning he was staring at me with his beautiful green eyes, "Morning"

"Morning" I yawned.

He glanced at the clock, "Checkout is in an hour"

"Damn"

He chuckled and got up, "Come on, I'll take you out to breakfast."

"Okay, fine"

We both got dressed. His shoes were right next to mine by the door. I hadn't even seen him take them off last night. Since neither one of us had brought a change of clothes we had to wear the same clothes from the night before. He took me to a restaurant across the street for breakfast. While there I took my birth control pill and my vitamins. Even though I had put most of the weight I lost back on, I still took the vitamins just to be safe. After breakfast he drove me back to my apartment. I was glad it was Sunday because we didn't get back to my apartment until one. When we got to my floor Alice, Edward's sister was sitting on the floor in front of my apartment. When she saw us she stood up.

"Where have you two been we've been worried sick?"

Edward avoided her question, "Who's we?"

"Me, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Mom, and Dad"

"Did you have to involve everyone?" He asked as I unlocked my door.

"Yeah" She smiled and skipped into my apartment, "The boys are watching your apartment, Rose is watching the diner, and I was watching Bella's apartment."

"Why did you involve mom and dad?"

"I thought you might have taken Bella home to meet them. Mom was surprised that you even have a girlfriend." She smiled, "Oh, by the way mom wants you to call her."

"You damn little Pixie! Can't you mind your own business?" I could tell the anger was playful.

"Nope!" She plopped herself down on my bed, "Not when you two disappear for almost a whole day and come back in your clothes from the night before." It was interesting to see how siblings act around each other, "So" she continued, "where were you two?"

I jumped in quickly, "He took me out to dinner and by the time we finished it was late and we were tired so we got a hotel room." I set my purse down on the table.

As I did that Alice's eyes bugged out of her head, "Is that Grandma's ring?!"

Edward turned and looked at her, "Keep your little mouth shut or your wardrobe is going in my fire pit." She started to squeal and jump up and down. Edward looked at me, "I'll be right back. I am going to walk her out and supervise her phone call home." He gave me a kiss and dragged his sister out the front door.

I sat on my bed and started to think about how things were turning around and how much my life was improving. Then I thought about how every time I think that everything goes sour. The more I thought and stared at the ring the more upset I got. By the time Edward got back about 10 minutes later I had tears pouring down my cheeks.

He rushed to my side, "What's wrong?"

"I'm scared"

"Of what" He sat down on my bed and pulled me into his arms.

"Losing you"

"Why would you lose me? I would never leave you."

"It's what always happens."

"What are you talking about?"

I could tell he was confused so I started to explain, "It started when I was two." I told him about everything, all the foster homes, Lily and Allen, my time in the detention hall. I told him everything, "It seems like every time I get happy, it all goes to shit."

"I am going to promise you right now, I will never abandon you or shove you to the side like everybody else has." He held me in his arms until I calmed down.

"We should really change out of our good clothes." I said as I wiped my eyes and stood up.

"I don't have any other clothes with me." He said as he ran his hand through his hair.

"What's on your mind?" He always ran his hand through his hair when he was thinking about something he didn't want to say.

"My parents want to meet you."

"When?"

"Next weekend, we would leave Friday after class and come back Sunday night."

"I don't have to work so that should be fine."

He jumped up and gave me a quick kiss, "Great! I have to go. It's already two and I have to be at work by three."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye" He gave me another kiss and rushed out the door.

The week flew by and before I knew it I was packing my bags to go meet Edwards's parents. The whole way there he held my hand and talked about anything to get my mind off of things. When we drove into Forks I was surprised. I didn't know his parents lived here.

"You okay?"

I nodded my head, "Yeah, just haven't been here in 13 years. It's strange to be back."

He squeezed my hand as he pulled down a winding driveway through the forest, "We're almost there."

When we pulled up there were already two other cars in the driveway meaning everybody was already here. The house was a big three story white house.

"It's beautiful" I said as Edward grabbed the bags out of the trunk.

He just smiled and grabbed my hand. He led me into the house.

A voice came from somewhere deep in the house, "Edward, is that you?"

"Yes mom"

A woman came rushing out from a door in the back carrying a bowl that she was stirring something in, "I'm so glad your home." She dropped the spoon in the bowl and gave Edward a one armed hug. Once she pulled away she turned to me, "This must be Bella!" She pulled me into a one arm hug, "I'm Esme" She pulled back and turned to Edward, "Take your things upstairs. Dinner will be ready in an hour."

Me and Edward spent that hour on his bed cuddling for that hour. When dinner was ready Emmitt ran in the room to make sure we knew. Me and Edward took our time getting downstairs. When we did Jasper was just sitting down. The table was a long oval table and they made sure that the only two spots left were at one end. Alice instructed me to sit at the very end and I did as I was told. Edward sat next to me. For most of dinner everybody talked about trivial things. I made sure to keep my left hand under the table. When Esme brought desert out though the questions started.

"So Bella" A blond who I'm assuming was Carlisle since he was the only person I hadn't met yet, "Where are you from?"

"Forks actually"

"Hmm" He smiled, "I never saw you around."

"I moved around a lot."

Alice suddenly burst out, "If you two don't say something soon I am going to explode!"

Edward gave her a stern look and that shut her up.

"Say something about what?" Emmett sounded curious.

I quickly reached for my spoon so I would have an excuse not to talk but accidentally used the wrong hand.

I didn't even realize until Esme spoke, "Is that what I think it is?"

I looked up at Edward and he had a huge smile on his face. That started a round of hugs and cheers. After that the weekend was mostly quiet. Esme took me out shopping on Saturday for some bonding time and I spent most of the day Sunday avoiding Alice. She was going crazy with this. Over the next few months I finished school. Sarah came to my graduation which surprised me. I introduced her to Edward and she made him promise to take good care of me. After graduation I moved in with Edward because I couldn't live on campus anymore. His apartment wasn't through the college so he didn't have to move out. We spent a lot of time planning the wedding and got married the following May. Neither one of us could find jobs in our fields so we both kept working at the diner. Everything was beautiful. The only person I invited was Sarah so the guest list was fairly short. My dress was an A-line strapless dress with a small train. It was gathered at the waist with some gorgeous beading. I had to max out a credit card to get it but it was absolutely beautiful. For the honeymoon we rented a cabin on a private beach for a few days. After the wedding we spent more time trying to find better jobs.

"I got a job offer." Edward said at dinner a couple months after the wedding.

"That's great!"

"I would be joining the military and doing investigations overseas."

I dropped my fork, "What?"

"I know it's not ideal, but it would look great on my resume. We can't keep working at the diner forever."

"I know, I'm just going to miss you."

* * *

"That was the start of everything going to shit again."


	7. Last Straw

"Things got bad fast."

* * *

When Edward graduated with a criminal justice degree I never thought that we would end up moving to Virginia for Edward's job. We got a big house. Between Edward's pay and the pay I got we would have no problem affording the bills. I got a job at a nearby school as a consoler. I worked mainly with children who had a parent deployed overseas or children who had lost a parent. Edward started his training. It took him a year to finish. During that year Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle moved close to the military base. They wanted to be closer to Edward. He was deployed almost immediately after finishing training. It was almost six months before I saw him again. He came home for a couple weeks for Christmas. During those couple weeks we spent a lot of alone time together in the bedroom.

About two weeks after he went back I received a call from him, "Hi Bella"

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." He took a deep breath, "We won't be able to talk for a while after this call Bella."

"Why?"

"I was given a special assignment and will be completely unreachable."

"How long?"

"It could be a couple weeks or it could be a couple months." I heard a man talking in the background, "I have to go."

"I love you."

"I love you too, bye" He hung up.

A month passed and I didn't hear from Edward. But I did notice that my period was late. I went to the store and bought three tests. They all came back positive so I made a doctor's appointment. She confirmed that I was pregnant and did an ultrasound.

She put down the wand and turned to me, "Bella, you're going to have twins."

"What?"

"I know your husband is overseas and this can be scary but it is going to be okay."

"I don't know how to take care of one baby. How am I supposed to raise two?"

"You will do fine. There are a lot of support resources around here."

I kept the pregnancy a secret. I wanted Edward to be the first to know. I didn't hear from him for a long time and I was lonely. I painted the nursery green. I didn't know what gender the babies would be and I really wanted to get the nursery started. I knew that I would likely be alone for the whole pregnancy and the more time that passed, the less I would be able to do. If I asked Edward's family for help they probably would help me but I didn't feel comfortable asking them. In mid-April I was sitting at my computer when I got a Skype request.

I accepted it and was met with Edward's beautiful green eyes, "Hey"

"I've miss you."

"I know, I've missed you too."

"Why did it take so long?"

"It was more complicated than we originally thought. But I have some good news for you."

"What?"

"My work on this project got me put on a list that could possibly lead to a job in the FBI. I would still have to travel but I would be home a lot more."

"It would be nice to have you home. When would you be coming home?"

"It's not definite yet but if I do get the job it would be two, three months tops."

That would bring him home in time for the birth, "I have something to tell you too."

"Hmm"

I was about to say something when there was a loud explosion. It sent Edward and the computer he was using flying several feet. I could feel tears coming to my eyes. When the dust cleared Edward was lying on his side with one leg bent at a weird angle. He had blood coming from his head, ears, nose, and mouth. He was only partially conscious. I called out his name several times but he never answered. I watched his eyes close. There was another loud explosion and the line went dead.

I sat in front of the computer for hours with my phone in my hand hoping to get a call. I never did. No Skype requests either. I knew he was dead and felt so alone. I didn't move until midnight. I only got up because my phone died. My laptop had died hours before. I took both up to the bedroom and plugged them in. I laid down and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

"That was the last straw."


	8. Free

"That was last night. I thought I could continue without Edward. But when I went out to get the mail today, there was a bill for the mortgage in there. I can't afford the bills on just my pay. I can't move because my credit isn't good enough." I put a hand on my stomach as I looked down at it, "I won't let my children suffer."

"Your children deserve a chance at life."

"What if something happens to me? They will be alone."

"No they won't."

He started to say something else but I cut him off, "Who? I have no one. No friends. No family. I don't even have a husband any more. I can't raise these children alone."

"What about Edward's family? I'm sure they would be willing to help you out."

"I've been so bad to them. I've avoided spending time with them because I was scared of getting hurt again. It would be wrong to ask them."

"I'm sure they would understand."

"With Edward gone they probably won't want anything to do with me."

"That's not true. Based on what you said, they love you."

"Nobody could possible love me. My own parents didn't even love me."

"They did, they just didn't know how to handle the loss of their unborn child."

"They should have known better."

"Bella, the draw of drugs is strong. I battled with them for a while."

"But you were smart enough and strong enough to get clean. My parents didn't care enough about me to even try." I stared at the setting sun, "I'm just so tired of fighting. I shouldn't have to fight to be happy."

"Have you ever heard the term, regression to the mean?"

"No"

"It means that everything tries to even out. Everything tries to go back to the middle. It means things can't always be bad."

"Really, I'm 24 and I have had only six good happy years. Two I don't even remember because I was so young."

"But you will have more. Do you really want to miss out on all the joy you will experience raising your children?"

"Yeah raising my children on the streets will be loads of fun." I looked down the bridge and saw Edward's family standing there and turned to look at the young man I was talking to, "There are two notes on the seat of my car, one to Sarah and one to Edward's family. Make sure they get them."

"Bella, don't do this. You don't want them to see this."

I swung my leg back over the railing and stood up. I stared at the sunset for a second then I jumped. I jumped in a special way so my back was parallel to the water. As I went down I watched the sunset. It was so beautiful. I felt so free. The fall probably only took a couple of seconds but felt like a lifetime to me. I didn't have any regrets. I was just happy and free. The second I hit the water, everything went black.

* * *

**I got another chapter done but I am not going to add it until I get another review.**


	9. Darkness

**Sorry this chapter is so short but I will add another quickly. Hopefully by the end of the day.**

* * *

It took several seconds to realize I was laying on something hard with my eyes closed. When I opened them it was pitch black. I stood up and looked around but didn't see anything. I stood there for several minutes just looking around before I saw a pinprick of light in the distance. It started to get bigger and closer so I started to walk towards it. When I got close enough I realized it was a person. I stopped walking and when it stopped in front of me I realized that it was my mom.

"Is this heaven?"

"No dear, this is limbo. This is the spot between life and death."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Because it's not your time. You are not supposed to die tonight." She grabbed my hands with her hands, "Why did you jump?"

"I was tired of being alone. I was tired of losing everyone that I loved." I looked down, "Why did you do drugs? Why didn't try to stop?"

"I don't know. I just couldn't." She used one of her hands to force me to look at her, "We are running out of time so you have to listen to me."

"What do you mean 'running out of time'?"

"You have to go back. I am going to send you back to the morning you jumped."

"I don't want to go back!"

"You have to. It's not your time."

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Bella, I promise if you go back and don't jump. If you give life a chance, things will get better."

"How can they? Edward is gone. I can't afford the house and I can't afford to move."

"Trust me, things will get better." She gave me a hug, "Now go. I love you."

My eyes flew open. I was back in my bed and I was alone again.


	10. Flat Line

My eyes flew open. I was back in my bed and I was alone again. My laptop and phone were still next to my bed. I laid in bed most of the day. I wanted to go out to the bridge and jump but I knew that I would disappoint my mom so I just stayed in bed. Around seven there was a knock at the door but I ignored it. A couple minutes later I heard the door open and somebody come up the stairs. Shortly after that Esme walked in the room. It wasn't unusual for somebody to come check on me.

She sat down on the bed behind me, "Hey, how are you doing?"

"Okay"

"Have you heard from Edward?"

I started to cry, "No" I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.

"He is going to call any day now."

I started to cry harder.

She changed the subject, "Have you eaten today?"

"I'm not hungry."

"I brought Chinese. Come downstairs and eat."

I went downstairs just because I knew that I had to eat. While sitting at the table I heard a car pull up outside. I looked at Esme and by the look on her face she didn't hear it. I excused myself and headed for the front door. I stepped outside and there was a military vehicle there. It was already dark out. Two men got out of the car. They were Edward's superiors. I could feel the tears start to slip down my cheeks.

"Bella" I heard Esme call from inside the house, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah"

I walked further down the pathway towards the driveway so I could get a better look. I heard another door open then close about a minute later. I tried to hold the tears back unsuccessfully. I knew that they were probably here to tell me that Edward is dead. I saw someone in a wheelchair get pushed by another soldier to the front of the car. It only took me a second to realize that it was Edward in the chair and start running. As soon as I reached him I bent down and pulled him into a hug. One arm was in a sling so he could only use one arm to hug me but I didn't care. I was just happy to have him in my arms again.

"I thought you were dead." I was sobbing on his shoulder.

"I'm right here. You don't have to worry. I'm not going anywhere."

I let go of him, "We should go inside. Your mom is in there."

"What is she doing here?" He didn't sound upset, just curious.

I held his hand and the soldier pushed him towards the front door, "Your family has been coming to check on me a lot. It's a little annoying."

"Don't forget, they are your family too."

"I know"

We reached the front steps. The soldier put the brakes on the wheelchair. He helped Edward into a standing position while one of his superiors moved the wheelchair onto the porch and into the house. The soldier held onto Edward and helped guide him up the three steps into the house. The soldier had to practically carry Edward. Once in the house he gently lowered Edward into the wheelchair.

"Bella what is going on?" Esme came around the corner. When she saw Edward she burst into tears and rushed to him, "My baby" She pulled him into a tight hug.

I thanked the men who helped Edward into the house and shut the door after they left. Esme was already on the phone. I pushed Edward towards the living room. Once we were in there I stopped him in front of a chair, put the brakes on, and sat in the chair.

I grabbed his hands in mine, "You know the rest of your family is going to come bursting through that door in less than ten minutes right?"

He nodded and chuckled, "Yep, Alice will probably be first. So right before the explosions you were about to tell me something. What is it?"

"It's not important right now."

"It is to me."

I took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant"

He pulled me into a hug, "This day can't get any better."

I looked up at Edward's beautiful green eyes, "twins"

"It just got a lot better." After that we just stared into each other's eyes.

I heard the front door open a few minutes later, "How long was that?" I asked Edward.

"9 minutes 13 seconds"

Alice came running into the room and nearly tackled her brother. Emmett was the next one in the room. Jasper, Rose, and Carlisle came in a few seconds later. After everything settled down the questions started.

"Edward what the hell happened to you?" Alice asked.

Edward looked at me, "You didn't tell them?"

"I couldn't. I didn't have the heart."

"The base was attacked."

"How did Bella know about this?" Jasper was probably the calmest one in the room.

"We were Skypeing when the base was attacked."

"That explains why she was near catatonic when I got here a little while ago."

The doctor in Carlisle kicked in then, "How bad are your injuries?"

"My arm, shoulder, leg, and back are broken. Needed a few stitches and a mild concussion. Should be out of the wheelchair in no more than two months."

"I hope you're not planning on trying to leave the house during that time because there is no way I can pick you up." I said it playfully.

"Don't worry" Emmett spoke up, "I'm not planning on leaving until he's better. My bags are in the hallway."

"What?"

"I'm not either." Alice said next.

"Great"

Shortly after that we all headed to bed. The entire family was planning on staying with us until Edward got better so every room was full. Emmett had no problem getting Edward up to bed. That night I got the best night sleep I had ever had. When I woke up in the morning Edward was wide awake and staring at me. We laid in bed all morning. I only got up to get us some breakfast and went right back to bed.

Over the next couple months Edward got stronger. Everyone helped prepare the nursery. Esme painted a tree in the corner. Edward told them about a week after he got home and they were thrilled. After a month he had a walking cast put on his leg and was allowed out of the wheelchair for short periods of time. When this happened Alice and Jasper moved out. Carlisle and Esme moved out a couple weeks later when his arm was taken out of the cast. A couple weeks after that Edward's leg was taken out of the cast and he started physical therapy. Emmett moved out when he started his physical therapy. By this time I looked like I was about to pop any day even though I was only 26 weeks along. As soon as Edward started physical therapy we also started taking birthing and baby classes. By the time Edward finished his therapy in the end of July, I was so big that I couldn't get up off the couch or out of bed without his help.

One day in the beginning of August Edward got a phone call. I was sitting on the couch next to him when he answered. He spoke for about 10 minutes before hanging up and turning to me, "Guess what" He sounded so excited.

"What?"

"That was the FBI. I got the job. I don't have to go back overseas."

I pulled him into a hug the best I could, "That's great!"

"I start next week."

"Are you ready? That is a very physical job."

"I'm fine"

Edward started work the following Monday but refused to leave me alone. He had someone come spend the day with me every day. My doctor said that I was at a high risk for going into premature labor because of the twins and he didn't want to risk me going into labor alone. He made it very clear to the FBI the first day he was there that he might have to leave at a moment's notice. They were okay with it. I was terrified of the babies being born early. Edward found a couple of adorable onesies for us to bring home the babies in. They were navy blue and both said twin baby. But on one 'twin' and the 'a' in baby were white. On the other 'twin' and the second 'b' were white. Alice and Rose threw me a baby shower. It was small but fun. Alice made me wear a ridiculous shirt. It was grey and said babies under constructions. Underneath it said estimated completion date and had my due date. I got mainly clothes and toys for the babies. One morning in mid-August I woke up with a terrible backache. When I looked at the clock I realized it was only 1:39 am. I tried desperately to go back to sleep but was unsuccessful. After about 15 minutes I felt a contraction but thought it was just a Braxton hick's contraction so I ignored it. I got another one about 13 minutes later. I tried changing positions but that didn't help. But in the process of rolling over I woke up Edward.

He touched my shoulder, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just Braxton hicks"

"How far apart?"

"About 15 minutes but they seem to be getting closer."

He jumped out of bed and started getting dressed, "Braxton hicks don't get closer together Bella. I think you're in labor."

"But I'm not due for another month."

"I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Edward helped me get up and we were soon on our way to the hospital. When we got up there I was immediately taken up to the labor and delivery floor. The doctor confirmed that I was in labor. Since Edward and I had decided to try natural birth I wasn't prepped for a C-section.

As Edward and I were sitting there I came to a sudden realization, "Hey Edward"

"Yes Bella"

"We forgot to do something."

"What's that?"

"Pick out names"

"We didn't forget, we just kept procrastinating."

"Well we have to come up with something now. We are out of time."

"Okay if they are boys"

"Edward and Anthony"

"No" He shook his head, "Mason and Norman"

"Yes to Mason, no to Norman" I thought for a second, "Liam"

"No" He chuckled, "Are you trying to torture the kid? Leon"

"I like that." I grabbed his hand as a contraction hit. After it passed I turned to him, "What if they are girls?"

"Belle and Marie"

"No" I thought for a second, "Claire and Demi"

"Claire yes, Demi no" He chuckled and shook his head, "Sophie"

"I like it. So we have Mason, Leon, Claire, and Sophie. I like those names. Now what about middle names?"

"Ugg!" He threw his hands up in the air, "Do they have to have middle names?"

"Yep" I laughed at his frustration, "How about Chase and Brent?"

"I like those. Which goes with which first name?"

I was hit by another contraction. After I said, "We can figure that out later."

"For the girls let's do Lila and Kirsten."

"I like them."

After that we just sat around. Around nine the doctor told me it was time to push. At 9:13 the first baby was born. It was a little girl. At 9:31 the second baby was born. This one was a little boy. I was so tired and weak. I couldn't even keep my eyes open and slipped into darkness.

EPOV

Bella was doing so good. But after the second baby was born she lost consciousness. Just seconds later I was forced to leave the room. As the door closed behind me I heard her flat line.


	11. Awake

I woke up back in the dark room on the dark floor. I stood around waiting until I saw the light and rushed towards it. I didn't stop until I was just inches from my mother.

"Am I dead?"

"That is up to you. You can either come with me or you can go back to your family."

"A few months ago you insisted on sending me back. Now you're giving me a choice. What's changed?"

"You have seen how good life is. You now know what you would be giving up. Also, you have done what you were meant to do in life."

"What was I meant to do?"

"Your children are very important. They are going to do some very important things for the world. You brought them into the world."

"I don't even know if they are alive. They were born a month early."

"What's your decision? Are you going back or are you coming with me?"

"I have to go back."

She nodded her head and gave me a hug, "Close your eyes."

I did as I was told and when I opened them I was lying in a hospital room propped up in a sitting position. Edward was sitting next to me and as soon as he saw my eyes open his face lit up.

"I'm so glad your awake."

"Babies"

"They are both okay. They are a little small but they are breathing on their own and controlling their own temperature." He grabbed one of my hands with his, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Don't worry."

"Bella, you've been in a coma for three days."

"What happened?"

"You started bleeding. The doctors had to perform emergency surgery to stop it."

"I want to see the babies."

"Okay, I will go get them."

He came back about 10 minutes later pushing two things that looked a little like shopping carts. In each of them was a baby.

He handed me my little girl and I noticed a tube sticking out of her nose, "I thought you said they were okay."

"They are, they just don't eat very well. We can't get them to drink out of a bottle. That's why they haven't been released yet."

"I want to try."

"Okay, I will go get a couple bottles."

He came back with two little bottles and handed one to me. I pressed it up against my little girls lip as I had done in the class and she started sucking immediately. She finished the bottle very quickly and when she was done I gently put her on my shoulder. After a couple of gentle pats she let out a huge burp. I did the same thing with my little boy next.

After they were both back in their bassinets I turned to Edward, "What names did you decide on?"

"I haven't named them yet."

"Why?"

"I wanted your opinion."

"How about Sophie Lila Cullen and Mason Brent Cullen?"

"I was thinking the exact same thing." He leaned down and gave me a kiss on the forehead, "I am going to go talk to the doctor and call my mom. I should be back in a few minutes. Do you need anything?"

"Can you just bring the bassinets closer? I want to hold them."

He did that and then handed me them one at a time. Once I had them he left the room. They were both so tiny. I looked at the tags. They were both 4 pounds 9 ounces at birth and 18 inches long. It wasn't long before Edward came back.

"When are the doctors going to take out the feeding tubes?"

"They want the babies to take the bottles three consecutive times before they remove them."

"Okay"

The next morning the doctors removed the feeding tubes. Three days later both me and the babies were released. Esme moved in for a couple weeks to help us out. Edward went back to work two weeks later. I went back to work the first day of the school year. The babies had been born on August 13 so by the time school started on September 9 it had been almost a month. Esme watched them during the day while me and Edward were at work.

* * *

**Only one chapter left!**


	12. Blessed

30 years later

I picked up my granddaughter. Today was her first birthday. I was watching her while Sophie and her husband Brian decorated the back yard for her party.

I walked outside with her, "Sophie you don't have to decorate the whole backyard."

"Yes I do"

"You are just like your aunt Alice." She stuck her tongue out at me, "Everybody is going to be here in a matter of minutes. You should really go pick up the pizza and cake."

"Dad is doing that for me."

I just walked back into the house, "Claire, let's go get you changed."

I took her into the living room and put her in the brown and pink polka dot dress that Sophie had gotten her. When I took her back outside the backyard was full.

"Hey mom"

"Hey Mason, I thought you were in Brazil."

"My flight landed a couple hours ago."

"Are you done with Doctors without Borders or are you going back?"

"I'm done" He smiled, "I got a job at the hospital where grandpa worked."

"That's good"

He gave me and Claire a kiss and rushed off to find his sister who he hadn't seen in three years.

"Mom"

I turned and saw Elizabeth, "Hey"

When the twins were three, me and Edward decided we wanted more children. But the scar tissue from the surgery prevented it so we adopted Elizabeth who was five at the time.

"Can I hold her?"

I handed her Claire, "Have you seen Nigel or Maria yet?"

When the twins were eight and Elizabeth was ten we adopted Nigel and Maria. They were 15 at the time. It took them a long time to get comfortable living with me and Edward but eventually started trusting us.

"They were over by the pop."

"Thank you"

I headed over in that direction and found them standing there.

"Hey"

"Hey mom" Maria was holding the hand of a guy.

"Who is this?"

"My fiancé Jeremy."

I pulled her into a hug, "When did you get engaged?"

"Last week"

"Does your dad know yet?"

"Nope"

"You better find him and tell him. You know how much he hates to hear news second hand."

"Yeah, I remember prom"

When Maria was asked to prom she didn't tell Edward right away. He found out from Alice. He took the boy out to lunch then handcuffed him and put him in the back of his car. He marched him through the FBI building and interrogated him for three hours in cuffs. It was pretty funny but Maria wouldn't talk to Edward for two weeks.

"Nigel, where are Crystal and Joseph?"

Nigel was the first one to get married. He got married to Crystal when he was just 19 and had Joseph two years later.

"Bouncy house"

After the twins were born the family exploded. Within three years Alice and Jasper had two kids and Rose and Emmett had one. By the time they had their last kid Alice and Jasper had three and Rose and Emmett had five. They each had their own life now but whenever there was a party everyone showed up. I walked around and talked to everyone. If the family kept growing we wouldn't be able to hold the parties here anymore. This was the only place we could hold one now because there were so many of us. As I walked around I realized how blessed I am and silently thanked my mom for sending me back all those years ago.


End file.
